Situation Number Your Feelings

There are two kinds of people in the world. People who say you can't overdose on marijuana and people who have ever eaten more than than three pot brownies in one sitting.

I'm not the former.

Okay, for the purposes of this story, let's just say everything I'm about to say here is made up. I have no idea when it happened, why, if it did or if any of this is even partially true. I think police officers are wonderful people and I'm glad they're showing an interest in the internet these days. I have never had marijuana in my life and I can't wait to go to bed early and be kind to strangers. Yay, vitamins.

So... pot brownies. One time, this guy I know had more then three because, naturally, the person who baked them was too baked to tell anyone that there was pot in the brownies. And not just pot... a ton of pot. Probably some pans too. These brownies were loaded.  I... er... I hear.

 

This friend of mine was so high that all he could do was sit in his office and stare at the door for an entire work day. Then, after he went home, he had to sit on his couch and pretend to be watching sports all night because he was afraid that, if he spoke, everyone on earth would know he was too stoned to blink.

 

This high lasted 48 hours. Imagine being so high that you're scared to talk for 48 hours. Maybe nobody has to dump ice cubes on you in a bathtub before dumping you out on the doorstep of your local emergency room, but if you're too high to remember to not piss on yourself... isn't that just about the same thing?

As an aside... can I call for an end to all jokes about "420"? Can I tell you where all jokes that use 420 as a punchline sit on the comedy ladder? Slightly below saying a word and following it by a similar sounding word that starts with "schm" (i.e. potato schmotato) and just above jokes about lawyers not belonging in heaven. Can this end? Thank you.