The other day I went to Best Buy to acquire a printer. And printer paper. I assume I got the best options available, as per the name of the store.
As I was walking to the counter, I took note of the worthless crap they have along the windy road you need to walk through before you can get to the register. It's basically the "you already spent $300 - what's another $3?" gauntlet. I typically succeed at the gauntlet because I care very little about whatever People Magazine has to tell me about John and Kate Plus 8 Kids That Are Destined For Failure As Adults. This time, I made it to the register unscathed, but might have met my match in John, the register teen.
"I saw you looking. What were you looking at?"
To tell the truth, I was looking at the Funyuns. I like Funyuns.
"Get them. I'll wait, man."
Come on, dude. They're like... three dollars.
"You're spending $300 already."
"And you want those Funyuns. What's another $3?"
He got me. I bought food from an electronics store at a 600% markup. Before John, I felt invincible.
As I left the Best Buy to drive home, there was a sign that said "No left turn." True.... but it probably should have said, "No left turn, unless the world was recently beset by zombies. In that case, you know there are no cars coming.... go ahead and drive however you please. I mean, really... what are the odds that you'll run into the one remaining pocket of survivors on earth in the middle of this turn? You'll be fine. They're not coming. They're never coming. You've been alone for so long...."
It would need to be a bigger sign, but I believe in accuracy.
I've figured out what Facebook is good for. When you meet someone and they want to be your friend and you really don't want to have a proper relationship with phone calls and hangouts and stuff, you can just add them to your Facebook and feel free to ignore them for the rest of your life. That way, when they need you, they can see your face and write on your wall. And when you want to ignore them, you can just.... not look at your Facebook account.